Dated a “nomad”, seasonal worker with 3-4 different locations over the year while he was working here. I would have been fine with “Hey, I really like you but I don’t do the relationship thing longterm, let’s have fun for a few months but that will be it”.

But no.

He introduced me to his parents. Insisted on travelling with me and my mom. Told me he’ll be at a big event of mine in a year’s time. Joked about what we’ll do together in our 70s. After he left for his next gig, told me not to talk about breaking up, that he wants to spend more time with me, that he wants to buy a van and would then give me his car – two days later, after spending a night at his ex’s, informs me that “it was all just a bit of fun and I never wanted a relationship anyway”. The End.

Be a nomad and a serial romantic if you want, but don’t use people’s hearts and bodies just for a quick fix while telling them whatever the hell it is you think they want to hear.

Kindly
An intermittend nomad

Also late to the party (but on time for yours!) – thank you for writing the very thoughtful reply. Note that it’s not an either-or. Lots of people travel at various times in their lives and many have done stints in the lifestyle that Hannah describes, and have contributed in the ways she deems ‘worthy’. And who now are doing something different, like living a freedom-based lifestyle. Ditto for those currently living a lifestyle that emphasizes travel, and change, but who will in the future make other choices – perhaps deciding to settle down. So it’s not a binary situation.

5 years later – do you still feel the same way?

Hi Ted,
I hear you 100% on the “success” metric for relationships – which needn’t be permanent (nor monogamous for that matter, for those who enjoy polyamory).

However I’m going to push back on “compatibility” a bit….it’s not about being with somebody who has a similar personality – it’s about being with somebody who has a similar LIFESTYLE.
For me, I’ve decided that the most compatible partner is somebody who is able to work remotely and likes to travel long-term. Am I open to meeting somebody who doesn’t fit this? Sure. But if I’m going to actively search anywhere for a partner, I’ll be searching in this group of people first and foremost.

….why should ‘successful’ relationships be permanent?…are they not like every other choice we make in life, and can they not be ‘successfully’ enjoyed whilst they last, and remember in a 100% positive way?…

…..and what about compatibility?… can “opposites not attract”…and is compatibility ‘fluid’ anyway? i.e. if as a couple you enjoy being with each other and/or ‘want’ to make it work, is this not where willing compromises or alterations are made to either or both lifestyles?…I am not saying don’t be yourself, but ‘yourself’ is something that can be fluid/flexible and used as such to achieve happyness.

I came to the conclusion that our lack of success is often down to a) believing societal norms about what is ‘right’, and b) making the same ‘mistakes’/thought processes/choices and then being surprised that I got the same result.

Happy travelling [and an even happier life],

A few years late to the party, but I feel it is important to correct some misconceptions from Hannah’s post.

“What’s it to the rest of us? Where’s your contribution to the world? In fact, it seems others are funding your travels”

Gosh, I wish my family would fund my travels! But no, I had saved up for it by myself, like many others.

Where’s your contribution to the world?
A ***HUGE*** part of Australia’s economy relies on nomads.

I’m from the US and currently live in Australia, and am on a Working Holiday Visa (WHV). A WHV allows backpackers to stay and work up to 3 years. With a WHV, there was originally the constraint that you are not allowed to keep the same job for more than 6 months, to encourage people to stay nomadic (The rule changed only recently due to the worker shortage, backpackers can stay with certain jobs for a full year now). Also, nomads are required to pay taxes, 15% of our wages go to the government. Backpackers stay longer and spend more than any visitor.

Since closing their borders due to the pandemic, no new backpackers were coming in, and the backpackers already in Australia eventually went home as their visas ran out. It has made it screamingly apparent that Australia relies on backpackers for agriculture, rural work, tourism and hospitality, and health/childcare care – basically all the jobs Australians don’t want to do. I posted a lazy job inquiry on a Facebook backpacker page and get 3 job offers without presenting a resume or references. The worker shortage is no joke.

The Australian government is now implementing programs to encourage backpackers to come back, and new visas to encourage backpackers to stay (The newer Covid 19 visa), and even bribing schemes. In 2021, nomads who got a job a critical sector job in Queensland were given a $1,500 bonus from the government.

Here is a more detailed article about the backpacker shortage in Australia and how important they are to the country’s economy.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-01-03/how-to-ensure-working-holidaymakers-return-after-pandemic/100727406

This is only one country. Backpackers contribute a lot.

Moving on to the next inaccurate assumption

Judging from Hannah’s wording, she is presuming everyone should have the same values as hers.

Judging by Hannah’s post, her values are –
Settling down in one place. Kids. Family. Stability. Nothing wrong with that. Most people go this route.

Generalized nomad values –
Seeing and learning about the world first hand. I have probably learned more on my travels than I ever did in college.

Experience – rather than reading about a country, *experiencing* it first hand is an entirely different, altering experience.

Self-growth – you change a lot as you travel, your views become more expansive as you experience different ways of life. You take the best bits you learn with you and integrate them into your own life, and share them with others.

Challenge – it ain’t easy traveling by yourself in new countries where there are language barriers. It’s not easy living a life people judge and misunderstand. One of the big reasons I started traveling alone was for my personal character development. It scared the shit out of me. But I knew if I did it, I would become more independent from my family, and have more confidence in my abilities to navigate new situations. There is no price you could put on confidence built from throwing yourself into the world, and how that aids you in future careers, endeavors, and relationships.

My more specific values – NOT having kids and putting a even bigger strain on Earth’s resources, NOT becoming like my parents and staying in a lonely marriage for the sake of not being alone and fulfilling societal ideals of marriage and family. I would rather be alone and happy, rather than be married and unhappy.

And believe me, I tried living the life my parents wanted by staying close to home, living with a committed partner, and having a normal 40 hour job. But I only got more bitter and restless as time went by. And then I realized I was trying to live their ideal life, and not mine.

One gets bitter and resentful if they live a life that is not in line with their values.

Each individual has a different set of values. There is no superior set of values. It is not my place to tell Hannah she is living life wrong because her set of ideals make me feel itchy and throw up in my mouth a little. It is definitely not her place to tell nomads they are living life wrong because they don’t live life like a “normal” person.

Live and let live
To each their own.
Whatever floats your boat
Stay in your lane.
Ect ect.

“Read a book. It will be just as satisfying and you’ll be a little smarter for it.”

I read 52 books last year, 25 of them being educational. I travel AND read and even smarter and wiser for doing both 😀
And thanks to the lucky life I have built for myself, I can speak from my experience – reading a guidebook about a country is vastly different from actually going to that country and experiencing it for yourself.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Well, what is “unfortunate” for you is a positive for the whole human race. Women don’t have to or need to tolerate the likes of you anymore, so why would we? What you mistake for “me, me, me” is really just hard for you to relate to because it’s not “you, you, you.” Here’s to the women of the world – out doing the things that make them happy! (Woe is you, that those things don’t include you.)

I don’t know where you’re going with this but it’s not inside a woman.

The way I look at it, God created humans to learn and become better. Unfortunately you seem stuck in the past where a lot of men were chauvinistic pigs. Maybe it’s time you worked on yourself and become a better man for God.

Hello Anonymous,

I am so sorry that I can’t help but crack up that you blame women for you being single. We are independent, take care of our own maintenance, spoil ourselves, and picky who we spend time with. I don’t want to be with some mopey man who is blaming us for taking care of ourselves and not attending to a man’s every wish and command.

And there are gold diggers in all genders. You ARE single by choice with no one to blame but yourself. Perhaps if you went out and enjoyed yourself a bit more, became happier and more fulfilled, you will find people who want to be around you.

In the meantime, maybe you and Hannah (refer to a few posts above) should get to know each other.